My Purpose My Position




This month in Ferguson, Missouri a young Black man was shot and killed by a Caucasian police officer. The incident has caused an outpouring of rage and racial divide across America. It is not the first time an incident has created such unrest in America and it will not be the last.

Every event of this magnitude is meant to inspire change and growth.

Unfortunately, many of these incidents only last in our minds until we hear a verdict from the judicial system. Then, slowly we return to our normal lives with a perception of our world/nation to add to our mental notes/libraries.

Each time I am touched deeply by the dichotomy of our stance on things. I am hurt and hopeful, equally, by our divide and (what seems to be) our decision not to heal.

This time, I am inspired to own a position in my healing process.

I am a Writer, Teacher, and Shaman. I write and edit the Inspirational Site at Bellaonline. I teach workshops on Whole Health Healing in & around Chicago, Illinois. I teach within my home and my homeschooling/un-schooling communities.

Shaman are defined as Spiritual Healers. As a Shaman, I inspire personal balance and wellness of the mind, soul, spirit, body, and wealth. With all of my human imperfections, I am dedicated to this purpose. This is my position.

Dick Gregory says that a community exists when a group of people live and govern together; versus a government that is separate of the people. We are not there right now and I do not profess to have all of the answers for getting there. I know though, that together we have peaceful solutions. I believe America is my community and I plan to serve it when and where I can.

For the rest of my life, everyday, I aim to inspire someone. I aim to inspire you to LOVE/HEAL.  That means, I aim to touch the most sensitive space in your very being.  I aim to awaken the power of healing/loving energy that resides within you and forces you to recognize your worth.  I aim to reach the very depths of your soul and bring you to a place of compassion.  I want to awaken the brightest light and the purest energy that willed you to LIFE.

Gender Equality


Today’s lesson is gender equality.

I have heard from Mother Earth (right now, I will not offer a definition for how that happens) that this is a time for Feminine energy (as carried by men or women) to rise. In the past, I understood that to mean that male energy needed to be diminished. Today, though, I have an understanding that together masculine and feminine energy must find balance.

The way it has been explained/shown to me is that women or feminine energy once managed the people. It was not a power position; it was a position of nurturing, organizing, and supporting the community. Men were hunters and gatherers. Shaman or wise elders were healers/advisors of the mind, soul, spirit, body, and community. Men & women were teachers (as school was simply passing wisdoms from one generation to the next). There was a counsel that included anyone and someone from each position. This setup created balance, productivity, inspiration, and harmony for the community.

How it works:

Feminine energy is nurturing, harmonizing, supportive, and peaceful; it is where ideas, planning/contemplation, organizing, and solutions begin. Male energy is where action, swiftness, muscle, and aggression exist. Men and women possess both masculine and feminine energies; one or the other tends to dominate. I have often seen one (feminine) as more valuable than the other. Today, I see that both are equally valuable.

For instance, what is the value in my seeing or knowing a solution if I do not act upon it? What is the value of moving on an idea without an actual plan or consideration of its affects?

Feminine energy is in harmony with Mother Earth. When feminine energy reigned, the Earth was able to provide for us and replenish with balance. Male energy rose, initially out of a need; many needs. When a community recognized that its resources were diminishing it would move. As it became more difficult to find accommodating lands and/or move the entire community to such pastures, male energy/action proved fruitful. With male leadership we were getting the job done quickly. As tribes began to move toward the same lands, the battles for that land became egotistical and competitive.

Male energy reign was valiant; a noble decision. Men were able to convince the community that they needed to be in control in order to secure, provide, and manage the migrations. They believed they were taking the weight and responsibility off of women in a time of serious endangerment from the environment. They believed their way was best and we agreed. Unfortunately, in the conquest, we forgot about the balance of things. We forgot that when you take from the land you replenish it by replanting the seeds of the plant. We forgot the value of speaking to the spirits of the wind, water, earth, and fire. We forgot to ask for solutions, protection, guidance, and peace using the power of meditation and prayer.

Eventually, we recognized the value of spirituality, but male energy took the parts deemed most valuable (like making medicine of herbs; taking only the active ingredient for quick answers) the parts that helped to control the community. With that they created religion and used it to increase their power and wealth.

Over time, ruling male energy has led to successful outer space discoveries, the internet, and more. Meanwhile, the lack of feminine energy has left us with an earth that is unbalanced.

It is time for feminine energy to reign again, but SHE must not devalue male energy. The two have to arrive at a point of peace, balance, and harmony. This collaboration must happen within each of us, then, within our households, then, within our communities, our countries, and across the globe. Where there is no balance, there is no peace.

Power is all in the mind. Human power is useless against Mother Earth & Father God (the sun, the action, the provider) as they replenish and renew the Earth. In order to provide for the inhabitants of Earth, SHE (Mother Earth) must first care for herself; the environment must undergo natural disasters (what we consider disasters). These storms, Tsunamis, cold spells, heat waves, are all replenishing and renewing the abundant resources of the Earth.

What can you/we/I do? Work on our own balance. Meditation and prayer are powerful; they are forms of spiritual communication. With experience and time they will bring you balance, peace, harmony, and guidance.

Change is usually difficult and the shift from masculine reign is no different. It is change that must occur. The more accepting we are of this shift/change, the easier it will be. This shift is not about power; it is about balance.  Mother Earth will replenish herself at all costs.  We cannot put her on hold.  We cannot ask her to make her survival convenient for us.  We can only adjust to the changes ahead of us.

Part of that adjustment is gender equality, and it must occur one way or another. We should choose the option of balancing now. Putting men first is not the solution. Putting women first is not the solution. It is time to bring both sides together.  It is time to collaborate and embrace the wisdom and actions of both.

The Eve of Healing


When it comes to my personal relationship with God, I tend to be quite private. So, I find it interesting that Spirit has commissioned me to be a writer/Shaman; to share my spiritual journey with others. The dichotomy of these two concepts often leaves me paralyzed; unable to post on my blog or my Inspirational Site at


Today, I asked, “Why?” Why is it that on my journey, the messages, the lessons, become so private for me that I dare not share? Who am I hiding my journey from? Do I really want people to think that I am perfect? Do I fear that people will read about my journey and get the wrong impression of me? Will they think that I cannot be an Educator or Shaman because I am human?


Today, I am beginning a 40-day healing process. It is one that I cannot define for you. I have simply heard Spirit tell me to go 40-days without and do as I am told within these 40 days. While I know that this is a part of my journey toward improved whole health and transition/elevation of my entire being, I do not know what awaits me on the other side.


If I were not me, I would question the sanity of this idea. Does this person really “hear” as she says she does or is she insane? And even as I am me, and I begin to formulate questions, Spirit sends me to text that provide answers to what I am about to embark upon.


At 3am, I am awake doing laundry & writing my letter of intent/my definition of whole health to Father God, Mother Earth, & The Universal Spirit of Unconditional Love. My intention is peace, clarity, strength, confidence, faith, unconditional love, purpose, effort, and focus in each area of my health (mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, and financial).

I want to love everyone more frequently than I do. “Yes,” there are moments when I love everyone; my husband, my children, my mother, my cousins, my friends, people across the waters, convicted criminals, and complete strangers.


I sometimes stop posting because I can’t explain how I hear, why I feel what I feel. Why connect in the way that I do, and I did not study with a Shaman to become a Shaman and everyone is looking for certification these days. But this is my truth and there is no certification and I don’t want to have that conversation.


Yet, again, I begin writing about this process. May it help me and you in our time of transition.


2.5 weeks ago, I received an email from a woman that wanted to know how I came about my Shaman title. She began to explain what she knows of the origin of Shamans in Asia. She asked questions about whether or not Native Americans really had Shamans or were they given some other title. And finally, she wanted to know which do I associate with.


Time, hours, days, weeks, have passed and I have not answered her. I have contemplated many answers, but have sent her none. I have seen her in person on at least two occasions and have mentioned nothing. I am procrastinating.


Today, I saw her again and I was compelled to speak. “I apologize for not having responded to your email about me being a Shaman,” I started. My brain began to formulate excuses. My mouth said, “Thank you for asking, because your email has prompted deep contemplation within me. I am being forced to face and answer introspective questions that I had not been willing to face before. To be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t answered you because I do not have a piece of paper that certifies me as a Shaman.”


As it turns out, many people experience this moment all the time. It’s the dreaded, “What do you do?” question.


Some people have an elevator speech and others just speak on a respectable job title. Advice suggests you speak on your work with enthusiasm and/or you speak of your work by defining your clientele.


If the question had been as open as what do you do, I would have simply said, I’m a homeschool mom and writer. Instead, in my opinion, it asked, “are you qualified to be a Shaman?”


In Western society we think that a certificate is necessary for an individual to be a proper professional of anything. I’m not looking for that. My Shamanism is a spiritual calling that I cannot explain. My procrastination though, is a response to a lack of confidence in claiming the title. It is my response to not having that certification.


So, what does that say about me? I accept that all professions do not need certification, but I expect that others will expect that I have one. Am I deciding that I am better than everyone else? Am I suggesting that I, alone, am able to accept that some people are naturally called to a profession?


Truth is, Spirit told me before I started this journey that certification means something, in this case, to only me. And here I am facing this moment, procrastinating (= without confidence).


“I will send you an email with an answer tonight,“ I said.


What is today’s lesson? Confidence. Either become someone you can be confident in or become confident in who you are. The first option is about becoming someone you may not be; a false version of you. It should be easier to simply become confident with who you are, because that is your truth. Accept it.


The woman that emailed me smiled at my response. “Wow! How honest and grounded of you,” she responded. “I look forward to it.”


clarity begets clarity, detox day 10

It’s day 10 and I have been on vacation from this detox (lol).  After my major break through I had a moment of, “everything is perfect.”  

I’ve taken the last of my probiotic and realizing that I need another bout.  I feel amazing.  I’ve lost 15 lbs.  My skin is clearer, my body feels lighter and less tense.  I am happier and clear; mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially.  Everything seems to be falling into place perfectly.

For the record, inside of your detox you should expel lots of gas, mucus, and toxins (unless you were already clean).  I did a lot of that.  In response my singing voice is much clearer, my skin too.  I had tension, in my back and shoulders, that has dissipated.  And I am more flexible.

Most importantly, just as my body has a healthier flow, so do other aspects of my life.  During the detox I heard Spirit say, “Your shamanic training has moved to on the job training.  It’s time to teach a new workshop.”  The topic and outline for the workshop were readily available to me.  Even better, as soon as I posted the schedules the  workshops filled up; the second one filled within 24 hours.  In addition, opportunities for online workshop listings and ebook publishing have been legitimately presented to me.  Research has arrived at my doorstep before I even suggested it to The Universe and I’ve become a lot more mild mannered.

I am a believer, and still I am always amazed at the results.


Look out for my online workshops, coming this Spring.  

NOTE:  I’m willing to bring my workshop to your neck of the woods for a group of at least 10.  Interested?  Let’s talk.

3 days to go; detox day 7

I watched the Happiness Advantage with Shawn Anchor.  I am enjoying how scientist/Psychologist/Psychiatrist is using actual research to prove that Mind/Medicine really works.  It is the documented research that I have been hoping for, for years.

In his DVD Special, Shawn Anchor says he has 5 steps, in 21 days, that will bring you closer to happy.

Step 1:  Express gratitude for 3 things everyday; and nothing is to be repeated.

Step 2:  Write down a Meaningful Experience in your life.  Write out as many details as you can recall; the feeling, descriptions, sounds, etc.  This allows you to relive the moment, because your brain can’t tell the difference between the actual event and the clear recollection of the event.

Step 3:  Smile 3x in each day in situations you would normally not smile.

Step 4:  Spend 15 minutes indulging in a fun activ-ity (active being key here)

Step 5:  Have a meaningful communication (takes about 2 minutes) with someone, anyone, everyday.

These are things I also ask my clients to do, but I have not paired them together as Shawn has here.  The DVD is wonderful and is full of great suggestions for happiness.

Because research is not complete if we do not try it out, I started a Happiness Advantage journal.  I’m feeling great!  

3 days to go.

Fear of quitting, detox Day 6

photo-9On day 6, I decided to spend the day reviewing some Self-Help and personal growth DVDs.

I teach my clients to get the growth inspiration wherever they can get it.  I just want them to reach their goal.  So, I too have to make space for this.

In one video, “Heal Yourself: Mind/Medicine”, with Whole Health Medicine Institute Founder, Dr. Lisa Rankin, I heard my words come back at me.  “Ask your body what it needs to heal,” she said.

Simple, right?  I know this works, but I haven’t asked lately.  I’m in the throws of a detox & haven’t asked.  So, I go for it.  Immediately I hear…”Work.”  This is followed by a short mental video of my husband driving home his desire for me to stop homeschooling the girls & start working.  Spirit then says to me, “While your husband’s issues are his own, these moments bothered you (meaning me) because you want to work.  Work represents a sense of worth to you.”

Wow!  I was shocked at this realization.  I had been blocking my own healing, by refusing to work.  Sure I take a few clients here and there, but I collect smaller fees.  I write for free and I offer free workshops & meditation sessions.  Since I decided to homeschool my girls, I have started doing a lot of pro bono and bartering.  I also stopped growing my business.  Some of it has been because our homeschooling community is filled with a lot of single income households that need to hold on to funds.  My target audience is women and girls.  Moreover, when the families are struggling financially, mom’s decide that their needs will be the first to be ditched.  I work from my heart and am able to spot a woman in trouble a mile away.  So, I offer my services without pushing my value.

Work, paid work, is important to me.  It is me giving and allowing my worth to return to me.  Pro bono work is okay, but I have created legitimate pro bono contracts and am fulfilling the work for them.  So why have I been giving away my worth for free?

To think, I had been pushing back, against my husband’s wishes for whatever reasons, and ignoring the message.  Earning income is important to me.  It represents a sort of freedom and liberation.

“There must always be give and take,” I heard.  “Money flowing in and out fluidly is healthy.  By not accepting this, you are stopping the flow of your energy; thus, backing up the system.”  Just knowing this made me feel a ton better.  I was instantly able to forgive my husband.  Poof, resentment gone.

Then, my passion, my purpose, and the training I have undergone for the past year began to make so much more sense.  The time I had given to so many, pro bono, now represented a sort of internship.  My words on financial help were no longer hollow.

Today, day 7, I was able to forgive myself.  I understood that my rebellion was also a way of keeping a certain order in my home.  It was me upholding an image of what a family looks like.  I’m not sure when or from where I adapted the image, but I had been holding on to it tightly.

I always say, that whole health includes financial health.  My choice to not earn income is connected to my financial health and I was making myself ill in this category.

13 years ago, I vowed to never return to Corporate America.  It was my plan to write and coach about spiritual and personal growth.  Then, I gave birth to my first child, married my husband, and birthed two more children.  Along the way, I decided not to earn an income.  It was a decision to give away my independence so that I would never walk away from my marriage (as an independent woman, I walked away from anything that was too much effort and too little fun).

Today, I tore that contract up and threw away.