Confidence

2.5 weeks ago, I received an email from a woman that wanted to know how I came about my Shaman title. She began to explain what she knows of the origin of Shamans in Asia. She asked questions about whether or not Native Americans really had Shamans or were they given some other title. And finally, she wanted to know which do I associate with.

 

Time, hours, days, weeks, have passed and I have not answered her. I have contemplated many answers, but have sent her none. I have seen her in person on at least two occasions and have mentioned nothing. I am procrastinating.

 

Today, I saw her again and I was compelled to speak. “I apologize for not having responded to your email about me being a Shaman,” I started. My brain began to formulate excuses. My mouth said, “Thank you for asking, because your email has prompted deep contemplation within me. I am being forced to face and answer introspective questions that I had not been willing to face before. To be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t answered you because I do not have a piece of paper that certifies me as a Shaman.”

 

As it turns out, many people experience this moment all the time. It’s the dreaded, “What do you do?” question.

 

Some people have an elevator speech and others just speak on a respectable job title. Advice suggests you speak on your work with enthusiasm and/or you speak of your work by defining your clientele.

 

If the question had been as open as what do you do, I would have simply said, I’m a homeschool mom and writer. Instead, in my opinion, it asked, “are you qualified to be a Shaman?”

 

In Western society we think that a certificate is necessary for an individual to be a proper professional of anything. I’m not looking for that. My Shamanism is a spiritual calling that I cannot explain. My procrastination though, is a response to a lack of confidence in claiming the title. It is my response to not having that certification.

 

So, what does that say about me? I accept that all professions do not need certification, but I expect that others will expect that I have one. Am I deciding that I am better than everyone else? Am I suggesting that I, alone, am able to accept that some people are naturally called to a profession?

 

Truth is, Spirit told me before I started this journey that certification means something, in this case, to only me. And here I am facing this moment, procrastinating (= without confidence).

 

“I will send you an email with an answer tonight,“ I said.

 

What is today’s lesson? Confidence. Either become someone you can be confident in or become confident in who you are. The first option is about becoming someone you may not be; a false version of you. It should be easier to simply become confident with who you are, because that is your truth. Accept it.

 

The woman that emailed me smiled at my response. “Wow! How honest and grounded of you,” she responded. “I look forward to it.”

 

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